


Montana Night

by Heronfem



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Stars of the astrological variety, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 22:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heronfem/pseuds/Heronfem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a month since Dean and Castiel were ripped away from him, and somehow he's found his way here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Montana Night

It’s the middle of the night and he is _this close_ to being stinking drunk. The world isn’t spinning, thankfully, but that might be because he’s settled in the front seat of the Impala, her leather cradling his exhausted body. He’s stripped down out of his normal shirts, just letting the cool Montana breeze float through the open windows and ruffle his hair.

It’s been a month.

A month since Dean and Cas disappeared, a month since Roman was destroyed, a month since he found himself completely and utterly alone, save for a car and enough weaponry to level a small town. Sometimes he _wants_ to go level a small town, just to work out the grief and frustration that are gripping him like something physical. He thinks it might be cathartic.

But he doesn’t, because after all that’s happened, all the hell and shit that he has gone through, Samuel Winchester is a good man and he has no intention of killing innocent people in his rage and grief.

And maybe that’s it, maybe that’s why he’s sitting here in the Impala, bottles on the seat beside him. Maybe it’s because he’s a good man and blames himself for not being good _enough_ for it all. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to care. (He does, but that’s a given for him.) Maybe it’s because he just wanted Amy to be safe, or all the others, and maybe it’s because sometimes Lenore’s face comes back to him- a monster who refuses to be monstrous. He still admires her for that. Maybe it’s because he misses Dean like someone physically ripped off his arm. Four months of hell. Six months of death. Time after time of separation. But he’d always come back, had a body to return to. This time…This time there’s nothing left to prove that Dean existed outside of some footage and a few pictures.

It breaks his heart to think about it, so he forces his mind away, and stares up at the bright, cold pinprick light of stars up in the distance. They remind him of the angels, a bit. 

Brilliant and distant and so unknowable.

He’d taken a class, at Stanford, about stars. For months he thought about becoming an astronomer, amazed by the beauty of the supernovae and galaxies. He’d been into the dark places of the world, seen the brilliance of the stars, understood their draw for the city-bred children of California who’d never seen them. There’d been a girl in that class, a pretty blonde who had stared at the pictures of stars like they spoke to her. But Jess had always been like that, looking deeper than the flat surfaces. The sky, people, the food they served in the cafeteria… she had looked deeper into that.

And maybe that’s why he’s here. His brain has finally rolled around to it. He just wants to have someone who genuinely loves him again. It’s been a month of no one speaking to him, no one knowing him, and it’s breaking him. Dean, Jess, even Dad…they had loved him, and now they were gone and he was so, so alone.

His thoughts are muddled like disturbed river water, and he forces himself to forget everything he’d just thought about. It isn’t something he wants to dwell on.

He rests his hands on the steering wheel, is looking up at the stars when sleep finally claims him, and introspection falls away into dreams of better times.

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually written a month ago following a prompt on a spectacularly good looking gif for the amazing dontlistentokiki. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
